A year ago, I returned from a four-month mission trip to Eswatini and South Africa. As I transitioned back to life in the States and went through a week-long debrief, one question overwhelmed my mind: “What’s next?”
I was eager—maybe too eager—to know the next season.
That urgency led me to strive independently, trying to create perfect plans instead of waiting for God’s timing. Though I knew perfection only comes through Him, old habits of perfectionism crept in, fueling my prayers and pushing me to seek control.
But, God, out of His love and kindness, sat alongside me—not giving immediate answers, but giving me His presence.
I felt stuck—frozen—afraid to move in any direction without a clear word from the Lord.
I was staring at a blank page, trying desperately to fill it with answers about my future. But in all my striving, I missed what God had already spoken. Psalm 46:10 says, “Be still, and know that I am God,” and that’s all He was asking of me—to quiet my thoughts and simply rest in Him.
Looking back, I now see that God had revealed the next step long before I even asked. During our mission training camp, I felt a deep sense of knowing when future trips were mentioned.
But I doubted it. I feared being wrong. I feared letting people down. I feared stepping out again. I feared trusting what felt too simple.
I feared man. And not God.
Eventually, I re-surrendered. I laid down my expectations, fears, and timeline—and invited God to lead.
That is when He reminded me of that training camp moment. I saw it again like a movie replay, and I remembered the clarity I felt then. I realized I had delayed obedience, not because I didn’t hear Him, but because I questioned His voice and didn’t believe He would speak so simply.
But God’s call isn’t always loud, dramatic, or complicated. Sometimes, it’s a quiet “yes” that brings peace to your soul.
The enemy had tried to use lies to make me doubt the impact of my last trip, telling me I hadn’t done enough. That lie planted fear and shame and made me question stepping into something even bigger. But through it all, God revealed that I had been blind to His providence and redemption unfolding right in front of me.
I wanted His direction to come with ease and clarity—but following Christ means dying to ourselves daily (Matthew 16:24). Jesus’s life was never easy; it was the complete opposite, but it was eternally rewarding, not only for Him but for everyone who accepts Him as their Savior.
Now, with a heart full of joy, excitement, peace, and yes, a little nervousness, I’m thrilled to finally step into what God has been preparing me for! Since January 2024, I’ve sensed His clear call—and now it’s official: this August, I’ll be launching into the Gapless Gap Year! For 9 months I will be doing missions overseas while studying Care and Counseling through the College of Athens. I can’t wait to see all that God has in store!
It’s not without fear, but I trust the Lord is holding my hand and guiding every step.
If you want to know more or support my journey, here’s a link to my fundraising letter:
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